Not as catchy as Sleepless in Seattle, that's for sure. I've always been a night person, but since I've been in Pittsburgh I seem to have lost the ability to sleep at night. I never go to sleep earlier than twelve thirty. And that's an early night for me now. But I do, however, take long ass naps every chance I get. I really don't think that's the problem because it isn't like I'm not tired. I'm just not sleeping. I don't think I can. Lots of things cross my mind while I'm busy not sleeping though. Some things I don't think of a lot, some I think of all the time but never so in depth, some I've never thought of at all.
It seems that this will be an even more regular occurrence from now on though. I had my first meeting for Can-Can today. I'm on deck for crew. I really don't want to have to move anything mainly because I've seen the set and it isn't a good idea to attempt to have me move anything they've built. But other than that my job is marking things with glow tape and sweeping/mopping the floor. When I told Michael Rupert I would sweep the floors for him during Parade, I didn't think that I'd actually be doing that. Especially for another show that, in my mind, is rather minuscule compared to Parade. At least I like most of the people I get to crew with. It's a pretty chill group with a few exceptions.
Something else I discovered today that is just absolutely wonderful, is that I will honestly have no life. Even this Saturday afternoon, when they are doing the GOD DAMN SITZ PROBE we have to be there. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, it's where the whole cast sits in chairs and sings through the show with the full orchestra. Which means I get to spend four mother fucking hours listening to the piece of shit. I'm sure the cast is wonderful and I do love Cole Porter, but Can-Can, seriously? This is the biggest load of bull he's ever written. You want to do Cole Porter? Do something good like Kiss Me Kate or Anything Goes, not Can-Can. I don't like the show, can you tell?
Anyways, I shouldn't be complaining. I'm assuming that my job is going to be relatively easy. I just wish that I didn't have rehearsals till 11:30 every night. I've been pretty positive here so I'm going to do my best to not get snippy with any people. I know I'll be running on little sleep, but I can control my temper, I know it. I just never liked anyone at home so I didn't feel the need to because they also chose to be so nasty to me, even without the excuse of lack of sleep. I'm changing here, for the better I think. Even when something upsets me I keep my mouth shut. I let it out here instead. Or, if it's particularly bad, I talk to the person privately about it and straighten things out without the inconvenience of yelling. Though sometimes I would really like to yell.
Specifically at one person, but it isn't my place. It doesn't involve me, and seeing the people it does involve stay so calm, grounded, and positive I just know that I would make a fool of myself and allow that person to look like the innocent one, which they most definitely are not. It was situations like this where I used to lose faith in humanity, but that's because I never saw the way a mature person handled the situation. Even with adults. But things have changed. My out look on life has changed. My attitude has changed. The changes are small, but they are there and they're slowly getting bigger.
The only problem seems to be the program. I feel like a genius in the academic classes and while I like feeling smart, I would much rather feel challenged. Just like in almost all of my COPA oriented classes. I wish I felt challenged, not bored. I love Stage Make-Up and I love Voice and Speech. Movement is nice, but it's not the method I grew to love and after weeks of trying to embrace it I've come to terms that it's just not for me. None the less, I'll continue trying throughout the semester because that's all my teacher asks. Singing for Actors has gotten better. I don't feel hated anymore at least. All in all, it's an okay course, but once again I'm not learning anything. I did more advanced things in my private voice lessons at home. English bores me out of my mind. I don't even want to talk about why any more than I already have. I just don't get the point of the class right now because half of the time my teacher goes off on tangents and doesn't even connect them to class. But my worst class is the one class I thought I'd love - Acting. I don't learn from games, I don't learn from the teacher seeing if I can take direction, I don't learn for the teacher rejecting every single idea that's not what she thinks. She doesn't say something like 'Oh that's one way of looking at it, but there's also this.' She just says, 'Oh, okay, no that's completely wrong. Can someone tell me the correct answer?' As someone pointed out last night when we were talking after class, acting is an observing art. Which means that it's an art that can have several different answers to its many questions, but of course I got stuck with the one teacher who doesn't believe that. And of course it doesn't help that she gives no constructive criticism. I wish things were different, but I'm not growing at all in that class. Maybe if I beging to learn more in my movement and singing classes I'll just ask for a different Acting professor instead of considering transfering. But who knows how things will play out. For the moment I'm keeping an open mind and an open heart. Hopefully things will work out for the best.
Enjoy today's selections. I'm not really sure just why I picked these, but I do know they're great songs and I'm pretty sure you'll love them, specifically The Perishers song. They might just be one of my new favorite bands.
I Know You Love Me - The Smoking Popes
What We Once Had - The Perishers
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