"Pillowpants is her pussy troll"

Happy Halloween!!!

Is it just me or is this year going ridiculously fast? I mean, tomorrow it will be November. When the hell did that happen? Anyways...onto a better topic.

So I've been on another one of my huge Kevin Smith kicks. I need to buy all of his movies. And by all of them I mean the following:

Clerks
Mallrats
Chasing Amy
Dogma
Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
Clerks II

...and Clerks the animated series too. In the past few days, I've watched Clerks twice, Dogma twice, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back once, and Clerks II four times. I seriously can't get tired of these movies. They are so god damn funny and sometimes, they're even kind of beautiful. Like at the end of Clerks II in the jail. The way Randal talks to Dante is amazing. I absolutely love it. That's something that really stands out about Kevin Smith's writing though. He is hilarious and the stuff he writes for laughs is disgusting and inappropriate (part of the reason why it's so wonderful), but then he'll throw in a really sentimental and touching moment that just fits so perfectly despite the mood of the rest of the movie. He writes great comedies with such heart, but not in a cheesy way.

God I wish I was part of the View Askewniverse! Anyways, I think that's it for today.

Today's video? The funniest scene from a wonderful movie. And if you haven't seen it yet, you need to.


NOW!

Everything

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes
You see everything (you see everything), you see every part (you see every part )
You see all my light (you see all my light) and you love my dark (and you love my dark )
You dig everything (you dig everything) of which I'm ashamed (of which I'm ashamed)
There's not anything (there's not anything) to which you can't relate (to which you can't relate)
And you're still here
(You see everything, you see every part)
And you're still here
(You see all my light and you love my dark)
And you're still here
(You dig everything of which I'm ashamed)
(There's not anything to which you can't relate)
And you're still here...

This is what I'm looking for...not yet, but evetually. I know it might not happen and that it's asking a lot, but this song really is me. I mean, the first line alone, "I can be an asshole of the grandest kind"? For those of you who know me well you know that's true. I really love this song lately.

Everything - Alanis Morrisette

There's Nothing Like You And I

Okay, please still comment about the soundtracks, but here's a little something I found that I wanted to fill out.

Ten things you wish you could say to ten different people...

10. I'm sorry I call you at the most inappropriate times. I'm sorry that I can't seem to stop thinking about you subconsciously. I wish I had made different decisions and taken a chance instead of being terrified of ruining our friendship because our friendship ended up fading away anyways. I'll admit, I was jealous of every single girl you dated. And not because I was protective or some bull shit like that. It's too bad that things will never get sorted out. I wish they could.

9. Why did you treat me so horribly? I was always there for you through absolutely everything. I was the one who took care of you at parties when other people would leave you on the bathroom floor or say they weren't your "babysitter". I deserved better and I hope you know that.

8. I miss you. I miss you so much. I can't even express my feelings for you in words. All I know is that you've been there for me through so much and I couldn't ask for more from anyone. I miss talking all the time. I hate that we haven't seen each other in a year now. I hate that we might not ever see each other again because who really knows?

7. I don't know what happened to us. We used to be best friends. We did everything together and always talked. Then out of nowhere we just stopped talking. Stopped hanging out. It hurts that I'm telling the truth right now and I really wish I wasn't.

6. Sometimes I feel like you only want to be my friend when I can give you something. Or when you want to get close to someone that I'm extremely close to. We don't ever talk anymore and we used to have hour long conversations nightly. I miss that, and I miss our friendship. I hope you love the city and that you're thriving. And I hope even more that we can somehow go back to what we used to be.

5. You made me feel lonely. I included you in every single thing I did. No matter what, I always invited you. But you never invited me to anything. It was like you wanted to push me away and that really hurts because I was there for you through so much. But there's nothing we can change now.

4. We grew apart. It was bound to happen, but it still makes me sad to think about it. We were so close. I never thought a guy could really come between two friends like that. But you seem genuinely happy and I am happy for you. I wish both of you the best and the happiest ending anyone could ask for.

3. You really are my best friend. We fought all the time when I was little, but the minute you went to college things changed. We started to get closer. Then you moved out just before the start of my freshman year of high school. I was lost without my big sister there, but it still brought us even closer. And I expect you to visit me as soon as an opportunity presents itself.

2. I barely know you. But I cannot believe just how well we get along. I love spending time with you and I can see that we're going to be great friends. I wish we saw each other more though, you know?

1. I always liked you. Even though you were dating one of my good friends the entire time, I liked you. You made me get butterflies in my stomach. Being around you, thinking about something you said, all of that made me blush. And I know you liked me too. If you didn't then you sure acted like you did. I've since gotten over those feelings, but I never told you and I wish I had. Not even while I still had them, just sometime.

Nine things about yourself:
9. I'm a lot sadder than I seem.
8. I love living in a city.
7. I am not as talkative and loud as I used to be.
6. Sixth grade changed my life and not for the better.
5. I know that I will one day teach myself to play both guitar and piano.
4. I only have one real regret.
3. Other than the above statement, I don't believe in regrets.
2. I am trying to be a positive person.
1. I realized just how lonely I was when I was still in Harrisburg. Even when I had "friends".

Eight ways to win my heart:
8. I know this sounds cheesy, but you must love dogs.
7. Care about the world.
6. DO NOT let people walk all over you. And don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
5. Be able to sustain an intelligent conversation.
4. But be able to act like a kid too.
3. Make me laugh. And I mean really laugh.
2. Love Spiderman.
1. At least have an appreciation for all art forms; music, visual, theatre, fashion, culinary...I really do mean all art forms.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:
7. I wish things had been different and I hadn't been so afraid.
6. I wish I had chosen the reunion instead this summer.
5. Am I good enough?
4. Am I pretty?
3. Am I thin enough?
2. Why am I always "one of the boys"?
1. I wish I was in New York or Paris.

Six things you do before you go to sleep:
6. Facebook
5. Pajamas
4. Whitestrips
3. Wash my face
2. Brush my teeth
1. Listen to music

Five people that mean a lot at the moment:(Now this is just the first five people who pop into my head, so don't be surprised or offended. And they're in no specific order)
5. Katie
4. Rita
3. Kevin H.
2. Kevin W.
1. Me, for once

Four things you are wearing:
4. Black boots
3. Skinny jeans from Old Navy
2. An all black tuxedo style shirt
1. A black and grey vest

Three songs that you listen to often:
3. When Your Mind's Made Up - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova.
2. Can't Go Back Now - The Weepies
1. Nothing Like You And I - The Perishers

Two things you want to do before you die:
2. Have success in the field I've always dreamed of
1. Be happy again

One confession:
I'm not as confidant as most people assume I am.

Girdy Birdy Babe, Girdy Bird

Wow it has been quite a while hasn't it? And I just talked about how well I was keeping up. I guess that's Can-Can for you. And for the record, I want to take back all my bitching, yes I have to work long hours, and yes I have to do a lot, but I'm loving every second of it. I love the cast, and even though I don't really like the show itself, I love watching the production every night because it is really wonderful. If you haven't seen it and you the opportunity presents itself, then I insist you haul ass to the Pittsburgh Playhouse and buy a ticket.

Anyways, onto the next topic. I promised you a soundtrack in the last post and it turns out that the process of making a soundtrack and putting songs in order is a lot harder and more time consuming than I thought it would be, so I'm sorry to say, but I'll be letting you down. If you guys want to make your own 'soundtracks' and posted them in the comments section I will gladly post them, along with my own, in the next post. We'll see how well this works out though.

I'm headed to bed because I have to get up at 8 tomorrow. I'll leave you all with a video, but sadly once again, no song.

It's hard to find, but you should see the whole movie

I Wish That I Could See You Soon

Wow, I have been keeping this blog up a lot more than I ever imagined I would...and I bet people aren't even reading it. But that doesn't even matter, because this is like free therapy for me. As you can tell I usually tie in the title right away, but I have yet to do so. Well, that's because in all honesty the title has nothing to do with the entry, because the entry isn't actually about anything. Let me explain the title though.

I was listening to the song of the same title by Herman Dune. He's this awesome musician who looks a lot like Santino Rice. A good friend of mine introduced me to him by sending me this video.

He told me that I would love the video, and I must say he was very right. Isn't it great?

So now to a completely different topic. As I was writing this and listening to my iTunes Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Tuesday's Gone" came on. It made me think of that last scene in Dazed & Confused where everybody's left the party and people are saying goodbye. Which lead me to think about soundtracks. Richard Linklater's soundtrack for this movie is top choice, but I must say no one can top my personal favorite, Cameron Crowe. He knows how to put a song to a scene like no other. In my opinion, the most perfect placement of a song into a movie is on the bus in Almost Famous right after the band has had one of their many falling outs and they've finally found Russell Hammond who is recovering from a long night of beer and acid. The tension in the air is unbelievable while "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John plays. A little while after the song has begun, their bassist, Larry begins to sing along eventually prompting the entire bus to join in on the song and thus getting rid of the tense atmosphere for at least a short while. Perfect.

I don't have a script or anything, but I would love to put together a soundtrack for something. Actually, you know what, I think I might just do that. But that'll be for next time. This pretty much works by me hitting next and letting the shuffle on my iTunes take care of it. I'll call it:

Untitled [the original name for Almost Famous by the way. and i don't mean it was the working title.]

No song today...sorry :(

Sleepless in Downtown Pittsburgh and Sometimes Oakland

Not as catchy as Sleepless in Seattle, that's for sure. I've always been a night person, but since I've been in Pittsburgh I seem to have lost the ability to sleep at night. I never go to sleep earlier than twelve thirty. And that's an early night for me now. But I do, however, take long ass naps every chance I get. I really don't think that's the problem because it isn't like I'm not tired. I'm just not sleeping. I don't think I can. Lots of things cross my mind while I'm busy not sleeping though. Some things I don't think of a lot, some I think of all the time but never so in depth, some I've never thought of at all.

It seems that this will be an even more regular occurrence from now on though. I had my first meeting for Can-Can today. I'm on deck for crew. I really don't want to have to move anything mainly because I've seen the set and it isn't a good idea to attempt to have me move anything they've built. But other than that my job is marking things with glow tape and sweeping/mopping the floor. When I told Michael Rupert I would sweep the floors for him during Parade, I didn't think that I'd actually be doing that. Especially for another show that, in my mind, is rather minuscule compared to Parade. At least I like most of the people I get to crew with. It's a pretty chill group with a few exceptions.

Something else I discovered today that is just absolutely wonderful, is that I will honestly have no life. Even this Saturday afternoon, when they are doing the GOD DAMN SITZ PROBE we have to be there. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, it's where the whole cast sits in chairs and sings through the show with the full orchestra. Which means I get to spend four mother fucking hours listening to the piece of shit. I'm sure the cast is wonderful and I do love Cole Porter, but Can-Can, seriously? This is the biggest load of bull he's ever written. You want to do Cole Porter? Do something good like Kiss Me Kate or Anything Goes, not Can-Can. I don't like the show, can you tell?

Anyways, I shouldn't be complaining. I'm assuming that my job is going to be relatively easy. I just wish that I didn't have rehearsals till 11:30 every night. I've been pretty positive here so I'm going to do my best to not get snippy with any people. I know I'll be running on little sleep, but I can control my temper, I know it. I just never liked anyone at home so I didn't feel the need to because they also chose to be so nasty to me, even without the excuse of lack of sleep. I'm changing here, for the better I think. Even when something upsets me I keep my mouth shut. I let it out here instead. Or, if it's particularly bad, I talk to the person privately about it and straighten things out without the inconvenience of yelling. Though sometimes I would really like to yell.

Specifically at one person, but it isn't my place. It doesn't involve me, and seeing the people it does involve stay so calm, grounded, and positive I just know that I would make a fool of myself and allow that person to look like the innocent one, which they most definitely are not. It was situations like this where I used to lose faith in humanity, but that's because I never saw the way a mature person handled the situation. Even with adults. But things have changed. My out look on life has changed. My attitude has changed. The changes are small, but they are there and they're slowly getting bigger.

The only problem seems to be the program. I feel like a genius in the academic classes and while I like feeling smart, I would much rather feel challenged. Just like in almost all of my COPA oriented classes. I wish I felt challenged, not bored. I love Stage Make-Up and I love Voice and Speech. Movement is nice, but it's not the method I grew to love and after weeks of trying to embrace it I've come to terms that it's just not for me. None the less, I'll continue trying throughout the semester because that's all my teacher asks. Singing for Actors has gotten better. I don't feel hated anymore at least. All in all, it's an okay course, but once again I'm not learning anything. I did more advanced things in my private voice lessons at home. English bores me out of my mind. I don't even want to talk about why any more than I already have. I just don't get the point of the class right now because half of the time my teacher goes off on tangents and doesn't even connect them to class. But my worst class is the one class I thought I'd love - Acting. I don't learn from games, I don't learn from the teacher seeing if I can take direction, I don't learn for the teacher rejecting every single idea that's not what she thinks. She doesn't say something like 'Oh that's one way of looking at it, but there's also this.' She just says, 'Oh, okay, no that's completely wrong. Can someone tell me the correct answer?' As someone pointed out last night when we were talking after class, acting is an observing art. Which means that it's an art that can have several different answers to its many questions, but of course I got stuck with the one teacher who doesn't believe that. And of course it doesn't help that she gives no constructive criticism. I wish things were different, but I'm not growing at all in that class. Maybe if I beging to learn more in my movement and singing classes I'll just ask for a different Acting professor instead of considering transfering. But who knows how things will play out. For the moment I'm keeping an open mind and an open heart. Hopefully things will work out for the best.

Enjoy today's selections. I'm not really sure just why I picked these, but I do know they're great songs and I'm pretty sure you'll love them, specifically The Perishers song. They might just be one of my new favorite bands.

I Know You Love Me - The Smoking Popes
What We Once Had - The Perishers