Is it wrong to want to live in a place this beautiful all year round? I know it may not be the best place for theatre, but what a gorgeous city. I would love to at least study abroad for a semester there. Of course, first I'd need to save money for it, but if anyone who knows the ins and outs of studying abroad could let me know about it I would love to pick your brain. Seriously. I never really had a thing for Paris, but I have always had a thing for Europe. Recently though, I've been looking into my school's study abroad program and Paris seems to house the school that I would most likely go to. Strange since London is the much more of a theatre city, but I don't care any more. Yes, I've always realized through photography that Paris is beautiful, but I never knew just how beautiful it was/is. Pure beauty....
Alright so I've got a new game to play....I'll do it let's say, once a month, and I'm sure it's something we'll have great fun with. I "lovingly ripped off" the idea from a new blog that I've just started reading which I highly recommend called Silly Pipe Dreams. It's under my 'Blogs of Interest' so you can check it out there. Anyways, this is how the game goes. I press play randomly on my iTunes and it starts. Every song that comes up I'll talk a little bit about, but there will only be ten songs. Nothing gets skipped, no matter how odd or embarrassing. So here it goes....
1. I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever) - Stevie Wonder One of the most underrated Stevie Wonder songs of all time. And one of the most romantic he's ever written. Thank you High Fidelity for introducing me to it and so many other great songs.
2. Good Woman - Cat Power Honestly, I never truly listened to this song before now. But I love it, it's so simple. Definitely one of her best.
3. Hurt - Christina Aguilera This is such a depressing song. Seriously... And the fact that it's really about her father? So so so very sad. But Christina's amazing and I love her.
4. Two Days Later/Daddy's Girl - The York Theatre Cast of I Sing! Leslie Kritzer is fierce....period. And this show only showcases how much that statement is true. Like, it's cold hard fact. There's no arguing it.
5. Promises - Kylie Minogue Yes, I listen to Kylie Minogue....she's good to work out to. And kind of fun to dance around to when you're alone in your room.
6. Everything I Am - Kanye West I love Kanye. He may be a little crazy, he might be extremely conceited, but he's ridiculously talented. This whole album is proof of that. He isn't like the other "rappers" today. And that is part of what makes him so great.
7. Come Out Of The Dumpster - The Original Broadway Cast of The Wedding Singer I know....it's a guilty pleasure, leave me alone.
8. Falling Awake - Gary Jules Gary Jules is wonderfully odd. His lyrics are so weird but so pretty. I don't get it. But I do know that this is better than his cover of Tears for Fears' "Mad World". Don't get me wrong, I love that song, especially that cover, but the rest of his stuff tends to get overlooked. And this isn't a song that should ever get overlooked.
9. Perfect - Alanis Morrisette One of the most depressing songs ever. The thing is, it's something everyone experiences. That pressure that keeps mounting on your back to be perfect. It sucks, I know. So when you're feeling that pressure, that weight of the world on your back, give this song a listen. Alanis understands.
I should be working on an English paper right now, but I feel like unless I write how I'm feeling I'll never get it done. But how is that? How am I feeling?
I don't know, I just don't.
I had to do this thing for acting a week or so ago and it got me thinking about the past again. Something I'd rather not do. I mean, why would anyone want to dwell on the past when they've got the present to deal with? Anyway, the assignment was to create a ten minute auto drama, a performance about you and your life. Honestly, I don't like getting into my personal matters with complete strangers which is one of the reasons I want to be an actor. Because you can let out all of your emotions, but you're doing it as someone else so nobody has to know your personal issues. Also, I didn't like this assignment because I haven't exactly had the most exciting life. I had a nice, normal childhood. I was a relatively happy kid. Middle school blew and high school blew just as much, particularly senior year, but what about that is anyone's business? Yes I had shitty friends, yes I was treated horribly by peers and teachers alike, but why do I need to tell everyone every single detail?
My life is my life for a reason. It's nobody else's business unless I choose to make it that. I know you're all probably thinking, "Then why the hell do you write an internet blog?" Well your answer is simple. Because I want to. I write my thoughts, but most definitely not my deepest darkest thoughts. And I don't write any names for a reason. To keep it private. But back on topic...
What did I even do for my auto drama?
Well, I talked a bit about my boring childhood, a little about how I had no real friends growing up once I hit the sixth grade, talked about a few of my many identity crises, then I brought up PGSA. I'm starting to think that everything comes back to that. And I truly do not know why. The saddest part is the fact that I really only talk to one person from those five wonderful weeks anymore....and it's only because we have a very similar class schedule and live across the hall from each other. But other than that? Maybe a "hey how's everything?" text or facebook message on occasion, but other than that nothing. Absolutely nothing. I never thought it would come to this, but it has unfortunately done just that.
I thought I'd be friends with these people for life. And I mean real friends, not just those people you talk to maybe three times a year and say you're friends. I guess I was wrong, I guess our bond wasn't as tight as I had assumed. Maybe if I get the chance to be an ATTRA in three years our bonds will rekindle and we'll have those lasting friendships we all expected, but until then what? We might meet up once a year? Possibly twice if we're lucky enough. That's not good enough for me, but of course I have no money or form of transportation so I can't initiate the meetings. But for those of you who are constantly traveling to see each other, or those of you who are in Pittsburgh right now, why not make the effort to visit your very own Point Park govies? I've been ignored enough in life, I don't want to have to experience it any more.
I'm finally here and I am loving it. Point Park is a great place and I'm having a great time. It's been three weeks with change since I moved and I feel so much better here. The people are great too, really...with a few exceptions like most places. Really I can only think of two and it's sad because they both could have lots of friends, but they're constantly rubbing people the wrong way which isn't exactly the best thing to do in the world, especially at college. Classes are pretty good....some are fun but I'm not really learning anything, but there are things like Make-Up and Voice and Speech that I love. Then there's things like English which I'm learning nothing from. And of course Singing for Actors where my professor hates me and I'm never going to learn anything because she's teaching us as if we're five year olds back in music class. Movement is fun, but I feel like Vlad taught me everything I'm learning in here already. Then there's Acting...how to explain that. I really don't know what to think at the moment. We're only playing acting games so far, except for the auto dramas. I'll give it time...we'll see.
It's funny to hear these people say how much they miss home though. I can't honestly say that I miss home at all. Not even my room. And as for people...I don't even know. The only person I can really think of when I say I miss someone is a person I haven't seen for months. We don't even talk anymore. I don't know what happened, but we lost touch completely. It makes me really sad to think about it, but it happens I guess. It blows, but it's life and I have to learn to deal with it. Will we see each other again? I hope so, but I don't know. Maybe we won't, but I guess I have to think of it in a positive way that at least we got to spend the time we did together. And I hope I touched their life like they touched mine. Honestly.
There's someone here though, and usually super positive people drive me crazy, but she is always looking on the bright side, she's always there to be a friend to someone no matter what they do. She forgives so easily and it amazes me. Really, I think we could all learn a little something from her...I think I could learn something from her. And hopefully I do, hopefully some of her rubs off on me so I can stop being such a cynical bitch all the time. It would be a nice change of pace for me.
I don't even know what to say. Because like a friend once said in a performance of his...."Who am I to tell you who I am?"
I couldn't agree more because who you are is how you are perceived and honestly I don't know nor do I care how that is.
