Journals, Memories and Regrets

I'm a person of few regrets. I make my decisions and I stick by them. Obviously there's a reason that I chose the path I did, but the one thing I wish I had done; keep a journal, a real journal. Specifically at Gov. School. Last night, after writing the previous entry, I found an old shoe box under my bed. When I opened it, I was welcomed by every last piece of physical evidence from Gov. School. And on top was the journal given to us by our wonderful teachers on the very first day of class. It was just a plain spiral bound notebook, but inside could be anything we wanted. I opened it and on the very first page it said, and I quote;

Movement
-So this is a pretty cool group. The exercise we did was fun and exciting, but relaxing. It's fun

Do you want to know what comes after that?

Absolutely nothing. I wish that something had come afterwards. Even if it was just talking about what we did in class. But it would have been great if I had written down all my feelings and everything that happened. I remember watching others write in their journals and wondering why they were writing when they could be doing. They were writing because they would remember things they were doing. Most of the little things that made the experience so wonderful have escaped my memory despite how hard I tried to keep them in. I'll never forget though, there were two instances where I knew I should have kept a journal, but it was too late.

The first time was during the last interdepartmental. The "clowns" had finished their part and for the most part had changed and went upstairs to watch the rest of the show. But myself, Max, and Mollie Book stayed downstairs just talking. We talked about school, performing, the usual. But then Max took out his journal, the one from his experience(now five years ago). He read several excerpts to us and I noticed that these memories that he had recorded and made official, I'd never have those because I hadn't taken five minutes out of my day to just write.

Then there was the last day. It was late and the final govie dance was well in progress. I was sitting in Garvey Park at a bench. People had been coming and going. At one point it had been me, Jenny, Chanelle, Tommy, and Tim joking while Tommy ate Chanelle's cottage cheese and beef jerkey. But the moment I'm talking about was just me and Max again on a bench. We were talking about the end, how it was when he had to leave this very place just four years ago, how it would be the next day, and most importantly, how to deal with all of it. That's when he took out his journal and read his latest entry to me. It was just one long stream of consciousness, but it made more sense than so many things I had heard before.

Unfortunately I can't go back and record every second like I wish I had, but at least I have what I do. In three years, when I'm back again as an ATTRA(and I know I will be back), I will have a journal, I promise myself I will. And those kids will have the same experience I had. They will love every second of every day there just like I did. And that, I will make sure to record.

Just now, when I was trying to decide what song I wanted to end this entry with I stumbled upon an article that was called 'Ten Songs That Bring Back Memories(And Why)'. So due to the nostalgia I've been experiencing over the past few days I figured that would be the way to end this entry.

1. Farewell to the Old Me - Dar Williams: My Sophomore/Junior years I went through some big changes and lost some good friends much to my dismay, but this song got me through those times. It means a lot to me.
2. Tiny Dancer - Elton John: Never will I forget the first time I saw Cameron Crowe's Almost Famous. That movie changed me and my way of thinking. It was beautiful and to this day it remains my favorite movie.
3. Beauty and the Beast - Beth Fowler: Not only was this my favorite Disney movie growing up, but it was my very first Broadway show. I'll never forget, I was in sixth grade and it was about a month after 9/11. We were in the true definition of nose bleed seats and I thought I was going to fall out of my seat and die. But when the curtain went up, everything was okay. I was somewhere else, and I was happy. I was where I was eventually going to end up.
4. Martha My Dear - The Beatles: When I was little my parents used to tell me that I was named after this song which is about Paul McCartney's sheepdog, Martha. I thought it was fascinating and the fact that the song was about a dog only made in ten times better. Sometime in middle school I found out that the real reason I have the name I do is because it means sister of Mary and my sister's name is Mary Katherine, but I stick to the first story.
5. A Whole New World - Brad Kane and Lea Salonga: Gov. School, enough said.
6. How to Return Home - written by Kait Kerrigan and Brian Lowdermilk, performed by Laura Osnes: This song is how I felt when I came back after Gov. School and I am most certain it's how I'll feel when I come back from college.
7. We Get On - Kate Nash: Too many times to count.
8. Fee - Phish: My first taste of real music outside of The Beatles, Eric Clapton, and Billy Joel. I listened, mostly, to things like N'Sync, S Club 7, LFO, and The Spice Girls when I was little. But when my sister went to college and found herself listening to bands much like Phish, moe., etc. I began to listen to them too. This is the first song she ever had me listen to and I loved it. I used to go around singing "Oh Fee, babababaababa, banana tree" because I had no clue what the lyrics were.
9. A New Argentina - Patti LuPone: My first taste of Patti and I haven't gone back since.
10. Pop - N'Sync: Track one on their third and final album was also (part of) the name for their second to last tour, Pop Odessey. The only N'Sync concert I ever went to. But I know, if NKOTB made a comeback so will N'Sync and I promise you, I will be front row.