I'm sick of you freaks

Okay, so not you, I just felt like this was an appropriate title that made me laugh a little due to its origin. Watch Wet Hot American Summer or anything of Alan Shemper's on Youtube. Anyway, nice to 'see' you all again. I'm sick of the people I go to school with already and it's only three weeks into classes. They're mostly bitches, it's bullshit. Get over yourselves, you aren't the big fish in the small pond anymore. Learn to be a little humble.

I'm Beginning to Re-Think Things

Since I was a teeny tiny little kid, I've known that I was going to pursue an acting career. I would go to school for it and then move to New York where I would work at some restaurant while auditioning until I hit it big in some play or musical. I never thought of any other option.

But doubt has striken. I've recently come to realize that I don't just want to be an actress, I want to focus in comedy. And I want to write. For myself. I'm even beginning to think that L.A. might be the place for me. I want to work for a great channel, like Current for example. The channel covers some pretty serious journalism on the show "Vangaurd" but its show "infoMania" takes a comic look at the week in media. The channel has everything and all the in betweens.

There is just so much that's hitting me and I don't know how to sort it out just yet.

http://www.current.com/ <---check it out

Crossed Signals and Misunderstandings

So I went to see a show tonight with a friend and afterwards I was supposed to meet some other people at that very same place. Well, my friend left after talking on the phone to one of the people that was supposed to meet us because she was tired. What I didn't know is that she was told that the others wouldn't be coming either because one of them didn't feel well. I waited for around 45 minutes until finally finding out I was not going to be meeting anyone tonight. I was angry, I'll admit it. A little hurt even, that this friend would just leave as if nothing was wrong and everything was just as we'd planned. That is, until, I spoke to her about the situation. The way she understood the information was that I would be going to meet our friends instead.

This is what made me think of tonight's topic. Crossed signals and misunderstandings can mean everything. Just a little mix up can change a person's night or sometimes, even their feelings. Did you ever stop to think just how often signals get crossed in life? Imagine you are at a party and you see a cute guy or girl. They look at you, smile, maybe even wave a little. It feels like they like you. Like they have that same feeling in their stomache that you have just looking at them. You want to talk to them, but what do you say? Little do you know, they just saw you looking at them and felt bad because they thought you knew each other, but they couldn't remember your name.

Or, you're at a party and you are talking to somebody you are really attracted to. They seem pretty interested in you too. You kiss, you talk some more, then you part ways. After this night, every time you see this person they act like you've barely said more than two words to each other. Or they may even automatically assume that you want to date them so they try to stay away because they aren't looking to get serious. The kiss just happened though, it had nothing to do with anything. But still, signals get crossed, maybe ruining what could have been a blossoming friendship.

And of course, as the beginning of the post shows, there are also verbal misunderstandings. Someone says one thing, but the person they're talking to takes it a completely different way. Or maybe they even think you said something completely different. For example, while waiting for a shuttle to get to Oakland last weekend, my friend Hayley and I went up to one. The driver opened the door and said what we thought was "Flu shots?" After a while of standing there, confused, which I am sure was showing up on our faces, we shook our heads no and stepped away from the shuttle. It took us a few minutes, but we eventually realized she was saying "Food shops?" We forgot that it was Sunday and shuttles were taking kids to grocery stores that day.

Misunderstandings and crossed signals can be as simple as that little exchange of words or they can be as complicated as any of the situations that I mentioned earlier. My point though? They make life difficult and I hate them. I wish they didn't exist. What do you think?

Best Superbowl Commercial of '09?
Thank you Doritos!


P.S. GO STEELERS!!!!!

Farewell to the Old Me

Alright, so I've always seen myself as quite the cynic. Honestly, it's what made me ME. I'm sure you're all thinking right now "Why would somebody pride themselves on being cynical? It's such an awful trait." Well, for me it was good. It built a wall for me. It kept people I didn't want in out. And the sarcastic air I had about me is what brought the humor to my life. It's what made people laugh. But I realized something today. I'm not the cynic I always thought I was. What kind of genuine cynic would watch a movie like Marley & Me and be bawling by the end. What respectable cynic would look at friends relationships and think how happy they are for them? And how they hope it will last forever because they seem so happy and content in the moment every time you see them together. Now, this does not make me a romantic, but it does mean I seem to have some kind of heart. *Pause for reaction*

I know, shocking. Most people who know me seem to think I'm a bitch who must be a robot of some sort because she's never really been into all that warm and fuzzy emotion bull shit. Well, it turns out we were all wrong. I do have a soft spot. And it is becoming more and more apparent to me each day. My heart goes out to those whose have recently been broken. Christ, I cried at that last video I posted for you all. I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm surprisingly okay with it.

Now, I'm not a complete mush, I still do look at both sides of things. I'd consider myself more of a realist now than a cynic. I see things in a real light, as they are, but that doesn't change the hope I have for things to turn out for the best. Maybe I would have noticed these qualities more in myself if I hadn't been so stifled in high school, but I guess we'll never know. At least I'm recognizing them now though.

Melt Your Heart - Jenny Lewis

Big Strong Girl

I honestly don't know what to write about....

I've been listening to The Weepies a lot, hence the title. As I say every time, if you don't know them, get to know them. They are a great band and you definitely won't regret it.

I guess I can talk about a video I recently saw that inspired me. We see those kids on youtube who lipsync or even sing along to their favorite songs, mostly musicals, and we get a kick out of it because they are usually pretty fucking bad. However, there's this ten year old kid who has recorded himself doing a ton of songs from In the Heights and he is good at it. And he loves it. When I was looking at Lin-Manuel Miranda's youtube page I noticed he had put up a new video called In the Heights...Dreams Come True. I did not expect what I saw. I'm not even going to try to explain what transpired here, I'm just going to post the video and hope that you are as touched as I was. There need to be more people in the world like this.

It's Been A Long Day...

So it has been quite some time since I last posted on here. In fact, the last time I posted I put up that fun little mix tape which has unfortunately been taken down because the website was deleted. Anyways, it's nice to be back.

Today was a good day...One Tree Hill and Gossip Girl are back! Yay Monday nights!!

Now that we're over that, I'm going to write something real. Something that you might care about too, but if you don't what's the difference? I was watching One Tree Hill today, and I must say it was a particularly good episode. The last little montage they did (why must you always end with one Mark Schwann?) had a wonderful song to accompany it. All I knew was what the announcer told me afterwards-that music featured on the episode was by [insert artist names here] and Rosi Golan. Taking a wild guess, I assumed she was the one behind this song that I was so drawn to. Well, my gut was right...for once. I found this song "Been A Long Day" on iTunes and I knew I had to download it. I honestly have had it for maybe a little more than ten minutes and this is already my fourth time listening to it. Have you ever connected with a song like that? Tell me if you have. I mean it. When I ask these questions I really do want to know the answers. I want to know who is reading this and what they have to say or how they weigh in on what I feel. Anyways. I owe you all an iTunes Roulette, don't I? I guess I can pay up....

1. Rise - Eddie Vedder
This man was robbed of an Oscar in a way last year... Now, I love The Swell Season and I love Once equally. I also think they were so deserving of the award, but they should have just called it a tie. How could the voters honestly say that "Falling Slowly" was better than anything in Into the Wild. Hell, I don't even think that's the best song in the movie, but it was the most advertised. Anyway, moral of the story is, even if you didn't love Pearl Jam, give Eddie Vedder's music a listen. I can guarantee you'll find something special about it.

2. You - Atmosphere
I'll admit it, I do not know this song all that well. Nor am I too familiar with the group. I've listened to them in passing, but never really listened. This song makes me want to give a closer listen.

3. Come Undone - Robbie Williams
Do you ever feel like your life is collapsing in on you? I used to. I used to all the time. I would listen to this song and I'd feel so much better because I felt like somebody understood how I felt. Maybe now you can use it for the same thing.

4. Hotel Chelsea Nights - Ryan Adams
Oh Ryan Adams, can you do no wrong?

5. All This Beauty - The Weepies
I love The Weepies. They can make the happiest music or the saddest music or even the most surprisingly thought provoking music. If you don't know them, get to know them. You'll be doing yourself a favor.

6. Scotland - Jeremy Lloyd
This song brings back so many memories of the greatest summer of my life up to this point. In all honesty, I didn't think I'd ever be that happy again. But I was proven wrong. I found that happiness, and more, at college. I hope just knowing the joy that listening to this song brings me makes you feel that happiness too.
P.S. Jeremy, who was a fellow Govie, has a wonderful debut EP for sale on iTunes. Check it out by clicking here.

7. Lovesong Of The Buzzard - Iron & Wine
The very first Iron & Wine song I heard. I believe it was because I picked up an issue of SPIN magazine with The Conchords on the cover and I found out that it was a magazine I really loved. I found at least one song from every band they praised within the magazine. This was one of the songs they recommended, and I can see why.

8. Far More - The Honorary Title
Another song good old Mark Schwann introduced me to. I had heard a lot of buzz about The Honorary Title, but I never really caved in to the pressure to listen to them. I'm not sure why though. I really do like their music.....
a lot.

9. I Gotcha - Lupe Fiasco
I challenge you to not want to smile or at least sway back and forth in your chair when you listen to this. That's why I love Lupe Fiasco.

10. San Francisco - The Weepies
Another song by The Weepies. This is my favorite of the moment. Maybe it's the mellow, but positive melody that's also a little bit sad at the same time. Maybe it's the gorgeous lyrics. You decide. Here's the lyrics, just to clear up any questions about them.

And just because I love you and I know you love me too....a special treat. But please, buy her other songs.
Been A Long Day - Rosi Golan

You Know You Love Me...

An nice little musical look at my inner thoughts, feelings, and all the other shit that's going on inside my head right now.