Farewell to the Old Me

Alright, so I've always seen myself as quite the cynic. Honestly, it's what made me ME. I'm sure you're all thinking right now "Why would somebody pride themselves on being cynical? It's such an awful trait." Well, for me it was good. It built a wall for me. It kept people I didn't want in out. And the sarcastic air I had about me is what brought the humor to my life. It's what made people laugh. But I realized something today. I'm not the cynic I always thought I was. What kind of genuine cynic would watch a movie like Marley & Me and be bawling by the end. What respectable cynic would look at friends relationships and think how happy they are for them? And how they hope it will last forever because they seem so happy and content in the moment every time you see them together. Now, this does not make me a romantic, but it does mean I seem to have some kind of heart. *Pause for reaction*

I know, shocking. Most people who know me seem to think I'm a bitch who must be a robot of some sort because she's never really been into all that warm and fuzzy emotion bull shit. Well, it turns out we were all wrong. I do have a soft spot. And it is becoming more and more apparent to me each day. My heart goes out to those whose have recently been broken. Christ, I cried at that last video I posted for you all. I don't know where it's coming from, but I'm surprisingly okay with it.

Now, I'm not a complete mush, I still do look at both sides of things. I'd consider myself more of a realist now than a cynic. I see things in a real light, as they are, but that doesn't change the hope I have for things to turn out for the best. Maybe I would have noticed these qualities more in myself if I hadn't been so stifled in high school, but I guess we'll never know. At least I'm recognizing them now though.

Melt Your Heart - Jenny Lewis